Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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