We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
