I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
