I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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