You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
