Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
