I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
