His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
