i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
