Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
