is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need moral support for this bender
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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