he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
