you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
