Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
