I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
