Screwed.edu
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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