Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love you. Go after that dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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