also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sext me about skeletons
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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