he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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