hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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