I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
