this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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