Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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