Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
