you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
