hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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