just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
