I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got so high we made milksteak
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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