the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
