My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
