I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How does one acquire holy water?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
