i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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