I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
