I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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