Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
