I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
