So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
