When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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