I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
