The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
