I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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