ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
