Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
