so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
