Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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