The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
