we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
