Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
someone owes me an orgasm
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
