just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
