Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
