margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
