now i know why i became what i already was.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
