I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
